I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im about as happy as oj after his trial
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
