Nicole vs. Life
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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