so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
