8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
