Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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