): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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