I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
