I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
