It was confusing and full of hummus
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
