This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
