mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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