He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
