chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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