When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
