Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
