thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
