it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
