Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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