I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
