In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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