The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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