What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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