fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
