before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
