is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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