I'm sorry my penis didn't work
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
