I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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