God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i came on her dog
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
