Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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