If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
