You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
