When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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