thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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