I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
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