Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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