there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
