just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
