I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
