We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
