Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
