my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You know, be my cock's hype man.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
