physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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