I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
