PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
