so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain