We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....