yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life