Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
