i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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