That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
