what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
