Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
