he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
