She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
