remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.