you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
