Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything