Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Do ugly people know they are ugly?

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  The quiet ones do.

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  (202): Do ugly people know they are ugly? (1-202): The quiet ones do. http://tfl.nu/129a
  Replies (25) Good night (2343) Bad night (2560)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  What's wrong?

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Pussy.

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  (503): What's wrong? (1-503): Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans. (503): Pussy. http://tfl.nu/sltt
  Replies (18) Good night (1044) Bad night (2388)
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  (619): View more from California

  i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...

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  (619): i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"... http://tfl.nu/0of4
  Replies (113) Good night (6108) Bad night (1450)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".

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  (917): My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva". http://tfl.nu/2q86
  Replies (25) Good night (4921) Bad night (1962)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard

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  (240): taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard http://tfl.nu/hbi3
  Replies (36) Good night (8918) Bad night (801)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?

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  (860): what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday? http://tfl.nu/71tj
  Replies (32) Good night (4919) Bad night (1112)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude

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  (631): I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude http://tfl.nu/oumf
  Replies (12) Good night (1803) Bad night (3589)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.

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  (913): You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes. http://tfl.nu/5pct
  Replies (6) Good night (2795) Bad night (756)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.

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  (202): We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals. http://tfl.nu/d350
  Replies (4) Good night (1439) Bad night (605)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.

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  (414): Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking. http://tfl.nu/i6qu
  Replies (16) Good night (1826) Bad night (631)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW

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  (956): Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW http://tfl.nu/0qym
  Replies (8) Good night (1484) Bad night (509)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina

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  (217): I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina http://tfl.nu/lruw
  Replies (8) Good night (1523) Bad night (741)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"

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  (540): Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home" http://tfl.nu/xfn6
  Replies (8) Good night (1533) Bad night (427)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol

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  (610): I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol http://tfl.nu/5mb9
  Replies (4) Good night (512) Bad night (866)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising

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  (812): I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising http://tfl.nu/m486
  Replies (2) Good night (175) Bad night (397)

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