Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
two words...techno handjob
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.