Swine flu. Run for my life!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.