why didn't you poke me back
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
