she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
