His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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