the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
