The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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