So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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