why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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