The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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