The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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