some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
