new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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