Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
