you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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