Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
