i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Will you blow on my dice?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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