so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
