I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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