She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
