i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
