Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
