dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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