yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
