I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
