I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
