Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
