did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
