I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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